I have my first official meeting with my superiors later today, so that should be good for some blog fodder, but until then I'd like to take some time to talk about the traffic here in Guangzhou. I've heard people complain about traffic in pretty much every American city, but believe when I say that you have it soft.
To begin with, there aren't really lanes in Guangzhou. Oh, they have yellow lines painted on the road, but they aren't lanes, merely a suggestion of lanes. "Hey," the line will say, "why don't you follow the path I've set out? Oh....you don't want to? That's cool too." It's like making the captain of the chess club a hall monitor in San Quentin Prison, they just don't quite have the gall to actually get anyone to listen. Even the lauded middle line fails in its duty.
"Alright, you are not allowed to cross me, and I mean it!," the middle line shouts impotently as my taxi barrels into on-coming traffic, in part to pass a slow-moving bus in front of us, in part to avoid the guy from on-coming traffic who had swerved into our lane. I gripped the dashboard white-knuckled, but the driver seemed relatively unfazed.
The concept that streets are for vehicles and sidewalks are for pedestrians is another traditional western traffic sacrement that Guangzhou loves to violate. As I was walking down to a bookstore, I hear a loud honking coming from behind and leap out of the way of a speeding motorbike. I would have found this odd if it weren't for the fact that I'd earlier that day had to avoid a taxi that was careening down the sidewalk.
I think I'll stick with the bus.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Chinese Medicine and Top 10 lists
For those of you reading this that don't know me, I'm actually quite boring. I've been in China for almost a week now, and I have spent most of my time here reading, writing letters, and sleeping off my jet lag. If possible, this is basically how I would spend my life regardless of where I live.
So, I will recount for a bit the one actual interesting thing that happened. My work permit (necessary for me to get my work visa) was late, and thus I had to enter China without the Z-visa. The long and short of this is that I have to go through many bureaucratic hoops to get one now that I'm here. The first of these hoops occurred yesterday as I went in for my physical. I know that the title of the post said "Chinese Medicine" but it wasn't traditional Chinese medicine. No, I went to a sleek, modern hospital for foreigners, and thus went through the physical assembly line. I was corralled down a corridor and deposited in various rooms along the way where I was weighed, measured, tested, poked, prodded, and generally manhandled. It felt like a Rube Goldberg cartoon charicature of a factory, and I was the product being assembled. I had both my passport and my physical form (which contained another passport picture). At every step along the way, a nurse would scrutinize these pictures, looking first at my form, then at my passport, then at me. I eventually began to time these, and the record was for the woman who took 3 minutes and 26 seconds to determine that I was, in fact, Ben Gulley and not a fraud. Another notable stop along the way was the chest x-ray room, where the doctor positioned my hands on my hips, and then just kept manually moving my hips around until they were apparently right. The final point of interest was a simple examination room where I was led. A doctor there gestured to the bed, and I lay down on it. He shook his head and mumbled something unintelligible. I sat up. He again shook his head and mumbled. I started to lie down again, only to be met with another head shake. I sat up and he began moving my legs, which was a little weird. I finally figured out that he wanted me to lie down, but to take my shoes off first. I think. All I know is that taking my shoes off and lying down got me another mumble, but without the head-shaking. It was at that point where a sign on the wall helpfully informed me that there would be genital examination, and you can't imagine what that did for my mood. Fortunately, that part didn't come (although I have to say the Chinese are falling down on national security by allowing possibly defective genitals in their country).
The whole affair only lasted about 20 minutes, at least 10 of which involved me sitting there while people tried to figure out if I was the guy in the passport photo. All in all, time well spent.
So, I will recount for a bit the one actual interesting thing that happened. My work permit (necessary for me to get my work visa) was late, and thus I had to enter China without the Z-visa. The long and short of this is that I have to go through many bureaucratic hoops to get one now that I'm here. The first of these hoops occurred yesterday as I went in for my physical. I know that the title of the post said "Chinese Medicine" but it wasn't traditional Chinese medicine. No, I went to a sleek, modern hospital for foreigners, and thus went through the physical assembly line. I was corralled down a corridor and deposited in various rooms along the way where I was weighed, measured, tested, poked, prodded, and generally manhandled. It felt like a Rube Goldberg cartoon charicature of a factory, and I was the product being assembled. I had both my passport and my physical form (which contained another passport picture). At every step along the way, a nurse would scrutinize these pictures, looking first at my form, then at my passport, then at me. I eventually began to time these, and the record was for the woman who took 3 minutes and 26 seconds to determine that I was, in fact, Ben Gulley and not a fraud. Another notable stop along the way was the chest x-ray room, where the doctor positioned my hands on my hips, and then just kept manually moving my hips around until they were apparently right. The final point of interest was a simple examination room where I was led. A doctor there gestured to the bed, and I lay down on it. He shook his head and mumbled something unintelligible. I sat up. He again shook his head and mumbled. I started to lie down again, only to be met with another head shake. I sat up and he began moving my legs, which was a little weird. I finally figured out that he wanted me to lie down, but to take my shoes off first. I think. All I know is that taking my shoes off and lying down got me another mumble, but without the head-shaking. It was at that point where a sign on the wall helpfully informed me that there would be genital examination, and you can't imagine what that did for my mood. Fortunately, that part didn't come (although I have to say the Chinese are falling down on national security by allowing possibly defective genitals in their country).
The whole affair only lasted about 20 minutes, at least 10 of which involved me sitting there while people tried to figure out if I was the guy in the passport photo. All in all, time well spent.
Friday, August 26, 2005
I thought that I would have to wait until classes started before I would get anything really worth mentioning, but no, China decided to be upfront with its weirdness. My phone rings in the apartment, and an unidentified man on the other end asks for "Sophie". Apparently he was wondering if she wanted to do any voice work. I explain that I am not Sophie and that no one of that name lives here. My best guess is that Sophie is the English teacher who lived in my flat before. Anyway, the man, who never tells me his name goes on to ask if I am a new English teacher. I explain that I am, and we have a little chat, him asking me things and me lying.
Him: How many teachers are there now? Have you met any of them?
Me: I don't know, I just got here and haven't met them.
[there are 10 of us, and I've met 4 thus far]
Him: Do you know your schedule? Would you like another teaching job?
Me: I don't know my schedule, I'll have to get back to you.
[I don't actually know my schedule, but our contracts pretty explicitly state that we shouldn't have outside jobs]
Then the already strange conversation took a complete left turn. My answers to him this time around are completely true.
Him: Are you white?
Me: Ummm....yes
Him: Would you be interested in modeling for commercials?
Me: No.
The conversation went on a while longer and basically consisted of me saying in various degrees of politeness that I didn't want to be a model. In some ways I regret telling him that I was white. Maybe I should have agreed just to see the advertising campaign fail. Seriously, I can't imagine that my being white is enough to endear me in the hearts of Chinese consumers, as I'm also ugly. Maybe he wanted me to endorse Big Clumsy Lao Wai Cereal or something.
Throughout the entire conversation, he never told me his name.
There you have it, when I woke up this morning, I had no idea that I would be offered a modeling job. I don't think I'll ever understand this place.
Him: How many teachers are there now? Have you met any of them?
Me: I don't know, I just got here and haven't met them.
[there are 10 of us, and I've met 4 thus far]
Him: Do you know your schedule? Would you like another teaching job?
Me: I don't know my schedule, I'll have to get back to you.
[I don't actually know my schedule, but our contracts pretty explicitly state that we shouldn't have outside jobs]
Then the already strange conversation took a complete left turn. My answers to him this time around are completely true.
Him: Are you white?
Me: Ummm....yes
Him: Would you be interested in modeling for commercials?
Me: No.
The conversation went on a while longer and basically consisted of me saying in various degrees of politeness that I didn't want to be a model. In some ways I regret telling him that I was white. Maybe I should have agreed just to see the advertising campaign fail. Seriously, I can't imagine that my being white is enough to endear me in the hearts of Chinese consumers, as I'm also ugly. Maybe he wanted me to endorse Big Clumsy Lao Wai Cereal or something.
Throughout the entire conversation, he never told me his name.
There you have it, when I woke up this morning, I had no idea that I would be offered a modeling job. I don't think I'll ever understand this place.
Welcome to my China blog
Dear Family member/friend/acquaintence,
I am very, very lazy. I will be up front with this. That is why I have created my China blog, so I don't have to keep sending all of you long e-mail updates. Now the burden falls upon all of you to keep up with me. If you don't get news about my goings on, it's not my fault.
I'll try to avoid boring point-by-point recounts of my days and only stick to the interesting stuff. If you are the kind of person who wants the boring point-by-point recounts, drop me an e-mail at bgulley@gmail.com
That is all for now. I'll be updating with something substantial sometime.
I am very, very lazy. I will be up front with this. That is why I have created my China blog, so I don't have to keep sending all of you long e-mail updates. Now the burden falls upon all of you to keep up with me. If you don't get news about my goings on, it's not my fault.
I'll try to avoid boring point-by-point recounts of my days and only stick to the interesting stuff. If you are the kind of person who wants the boring point-by-point recounts, drop me an e-mail at bgulley@gmail.com
That is all for now. I'll be updating with something substantial sometime.
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